What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 04:21
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Why should we share our wife with others?
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Why would a girl not want you to know she has a crush on you?
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
What will help me to get a bigger butt naturally?
So, i spoilt her more .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I don,t even have a pension.
What was your most embarrassing and humiliating bare bottom spanking?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I think the readers, may guess!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Who then, do I blame.?
Is it true that Jehovah's witnesses once thought the world would end in 1975?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Im still living with it.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Do you consider masturbating to porn cheating if you are married?
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I was scared of men, in general
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
What is your favourite true story to tell at a party?
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
WhatsApp backs Apple in its legal row with the UK over user data - BBC
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
One cannot live in the past .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
And i lived it daily.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Would this be the day?
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
What did i know ?
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Especially a lifetime of it.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I write beautiful poetry .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Put me off passion for life!!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
She was in good health!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
All the time i was locked up.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
We were not on the streets..
As i do to all so called friends.?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
My life is so biszare .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I have no regrets .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
So whats the point in blame.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
She married twice! .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But it wasn’t much.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Why did i forgive my father ?
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
She found it foreign!.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
And who doesn’t know suffering?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I was very sick at this time too.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I will be 64.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I couldn’t, believe it.
I waited trembling.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Was to survive, this bastard.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
She loved him until the end.
We all went to grammer schools
This is soul school!.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
It was going to be , some day.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
My family never makes their pension either.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Ive learnt so much.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
She wouldn,t have been !
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I was 9 years of age.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I said to her
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
When she asked me how she looked .
He knew the spot.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Comes on , in middle age.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I was seconnd youngest,
I could never make a relationship work though!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
But, we were locked up after school.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.